The Bad, The Rude, And The Nasty

Ok. I've stopped sugar coating my existence here. I've learned a thing or two. I know how it works. Korean people come in three varities: Bad, Rude, or Nasty.

The Bad people are the one's like my principal who called me a fat slob to my face. Or my co-teachers, when they hand out gifts and things to all of the teachers but me. Or when they never inform me of anything that is going on until it's time for me to do something unexpected.

The Rude are the most numerous of the Koreans. These are the people who point, stare, laugh, poke, pinch, grab, and grope me in public. These are the people who run into you on the street. The cars that hit me when I go down the alley. The students who don't respect me. The cell phone addicts and their whining conversations.

The Nasty are everywhere too. The nastiest are the people who spit everywhere all of the time.

I'm done with hearing excuses like "it's cultural differences." Is it a cultural difference for a stranger to come up to me, grab me, and squeeze me? Is it cultural difference for my principal to say that to my face? No, it's rude. These people live in an insulated bubble and are worse for it. There is no point for foreigners to come here. We have absolutely no impact upon their lives in any way.

Pissed

So, friday was my school's festival. On thursday, my principal came up to me and told me that I was a fat slob. He also told me that I needed to wear a tie for the festival on friday. I came in on friday in the requisite tie... all of the teachers wore track suits. What was the point of that? I hate this freaking country. They win. I'm never coming back here. When I leave, let the North nuke them... I don't care.

Burned Out

I am so incredibly burned out right now. I have been feeling this way since Chuseok. I cannot get excited or interested in teaching again. I don't know how to get rid of this feeling.

I have shown the movie "The Incredibles" to buy myself some time. It has been 2 weeks of that movie, and I'm still not over it. I found a superheroes project online for the students to do, everything is done for me, I just have to follow the directions... I can't even think about starting it.

Maybe the problem is that no matter what I prepare, my students don't like it. I spend time making imaginative lessons, using power point and fun things. They look at me like "is that all you got?" I give my lessons to other EFL teachers around the world, and they write back about how much their students just loved the lessons, and how much fun they had, and how much they all learned. Jerks.

Part of it is the fact that I've been here for six months now. I just cannot get out of this funk. I need something or someone to help me out here. Luckily, I only have to teach through November and December. The students have January and February off for break. Then I teach March and most of April, and I'm done. I'm basically counting the days.

Good Things

In order to combat a sink into "I hate Korea"-land, here is a list of things that I like about korea.

Chilsung Cider (Korean Sprite)
Bulgogi
The way that restaurants gift-wrap your leftovers and use ribbon.
Damp napkins in the bottom of ash treys, cuts down on the smoke.
Soda Star and their black tea lotte.
Lipton Milk Tea, not available in the states.
Cheap dvds.
Samsung electronics.
Spank the Monkey.
Bim-im-bap.
The folk village.
Half-frozen bottled water for long bus trips.
Folding fans.
No sales tax.
$2 taxi cabs.
Bang mirrors on cars (so you can see what you're backing into).
Paris Baguette, their herbed baguettes are awesome.
The cheap medical system.
Most of my co-teachers.
My one student that hates English with a passion.
Walnut ice cream.
Cerazim anit-hystamine.
Taepyeongso (Korean shawm).
AFN Korea.
Hello Kitty on EVERYTHING.
Crazy socks.
Men wearing the faggiest neckties you've ever seen.
Bad English on t-shirts.
Dirty rap songs playing in supermarkets.

And my favorite thing about Korea... meeting Vicoria.

It's Late

It's thursday. It's late. I'm sitting around in my apartment with just the light from my small desk lamp and the glow from my laptop illuminating the surroundings. All of my windows are open still, holding on to that last shot at warm weather before fall is completely underway and winter starts knocking. From outside I can hear people talking as they walk down the street. I hear scooters and motorcycles, their engines piercing the still of the night. I look out the window and see the eerie glow of red crosses dotting the shyline. I can see the bold neon signs of some of the taller buildings in town. The cool blue neon to the left of the small hotel with a traditional sauna. I can see the bright flashing red and white neon of a billiards hall on the other end of the city. I can see the strange bright solid red sign of a business just one street over and down the hill. It's nights like this, when the television is off, and all is quiet, that I can appreciate Korea the most. Only at night does the strange and foreign quality of the city just melt away. All that I'm left with is the dark and the quiet, like an old friend. It reminds me of quiet nights back home in the U.S. Sitting on the back deck, waiting for my dog to stop exploring the yard so I can get to bed. Those cool summer nights just sitting out and enjoying the quiet. That time of night when no one else is awake and the world belongs only to you.

So, to my friends in the states. You're all getting up and just starting your day. My day is over and I'm enjoying the quiet and the solitude. Spare a thought for me during your hectic morning routine, won't you?

A Bit Of Poetry

The following poem was written by my good friend Victoria. Enjoy.


'Twas the night before takeoff
And my stomach was rumbling
Was I ready for this
Or would I find myself stumbling

South Korea was my destination
Teaching school my goal
Could I really pull this off?
Was I being too bold?

The flight was on schedule
I was a long way from home.
It felt kind of scary
Being here all alone

The city looked different
From any city I’d seen before
Here there are stores
Piled on stores, piled on stores

I see something new
Every time I look up
This is different from Stateside
But I won’t give up

My first day of teaching
Was frightening, but cool
I thought I might well adjust
To being in this school

The teachers seemed friendly
The principal, away
The kids were quite rowdy
But I think that’s OK

I quickly discovered
That candy did the trick
Keeps the students quiet
And me from getting sick

The food here is strange
What it is, I don’t know
But it looks awfully nasty
The smells never go

But my Pringles will save me
Form loosing my grip
When I’m feeling nostalgic
I just eat a chip

South Korea is home now
For better or worse
It isn’t bad living here
At least it doesn’t empty my purse

I’m sure I’ll adjust
To the noise and the spit
But someone please tell me
Is this really it?

Where’s my dream gone to
Of Asia in grace
Of gentle old men
Who want to save face

Of women in long skirts
And hair all adorned
In jewels and ribbons
And new babies born

Are the stories all true
Is there really a way
Can I love this country
Will I choose to stay?

Of this I am certain
That no matter what
Living in Korea
Keeps me out of a rut

Word Of Advice

Just a word of advice. If you are going to show a video to a class... make sure you have more than one movie to show, just to save your sanity. I am showing the movie "The Incredibles" to my students, mainly because I don't want to teach right now and this keeps them quiet. Well, I have seen the first half of the movie about 12 times now. I'm quite bored.

Superficiality

There is one aspect of Korean culture or personality or whatever that I simply cannot stand. Koreans are incredibly and cripplingly superficial. This is not an overstatement, exaggeration, or generalization. This is hard concrete fact. Here are several examples for you.

One. Saving face. Speak to anyone in Korea about what is the most important thing to do in your interaction with other Koreans. Their answer will be saving face. You must never ever "shame" a Korean. It is of vital importance that everyone save face. Not feeling, not intention, not truth... save face. I have no idea what will happen if you do not save face.

Two. Mirrors. Every Korean student, male and female, has a hand mirror. They are constantly checking out their faces and their hair in these mirrors. The teachers have these mirrors too. Before they leave their desks to go to class they check their face in the mirrors. In the hallway there are large mirrors with slogans written on them. The slogans are like propoganda with messages about "how do you look to the world?" Notice the stress is on how do you "look" not on your actual place in the world or your actions. Very surface.

Three. Cell phones. Koreans are always taking their own pictures with their cell phones. I've never seen this in the U.S., but in Korea it's an activity that you see constantly. It is yet another way to see what you look like, when you don't have a mirror, or when you simply need a higher-tech mirror.

Four. Keeping up appearance. This summer my school spent lots of money on rebricking the facade of the building. The old facade was in excellent shape. They rebricked and painted two-thirds of the building, the two-thirds that are visible from the road. The rest of the building was left in it's old state. Now, the inside of the building is crumbling and in sad shape. Instead of using the money to improve the inside of the school, where the students have to sit and learn, or improve the facilities, the school spent the money on the facade. There is no concern with the actual guts of the educational system, just the skin.

Five. Demo lessons. All native-English speaking teachers have to give two demo lessons a year. These lessons are not the simple kind of inspection that teachers in the U.S. get, where people show-up unexpected to view you teaching. This is a fully scripted and rehearsed class that is unlike the regular daily lessons. The demo lesson uses every bit of technology that the school has. The very best class is chosen for this demo class. There are banners and signs up in the building for the demo lesson. The students spend all morning cleaning the building. It is a full-scale production. It is not about evaluating the teaching or the students. It is all about the warm and fuzzy feeling that it gives to the teachers.

Lastly, something that really upsets me. My old co-teacher was a substitute, and is now working with my friend Victoria. Victoria told me that he was talking about me to another Korean teacher, the Japanese teacher, and all he had to talk about was my size. "How big is Mr. Youngs?" Now, I'm a big guy, but I'm also interesting. I have lots going for me. I'm a musician, I speak Russian, I'm knowledgable of most things. In America people move past my size in a relatively short period of time and realize that I'm a good guy. Well, not here. If the people that have worked with me everyday for the last 6 months cannot see past my size to the person that I actually am, to the important things, the things that matter... then what are the chances for the rest of the people in Korea to see past the exterior? This is the most disturbing aspect of the Korean superficiality.

There are so many more things that I could add to this list. I find this aspect of the Korean psyche to be the most damaging and off-putting. I also think that it is this part that ultimately influences their own interaction in the world. This leads to their famous xenophobia (fear of other cultures/countries) and egocentrism. Strange. I wonder if any Koreans are concerned with this? The world will never know. Koreans adhere strictly to the adage "if you don't acknowledge it, then it isn't true." This is why you will never see statistics for drug abuse or teenage pregnancy in Korea. If you pick at the surface of Korea you find that there is nothing else there.

Kickball Anyone?

The other day the students were sent home after fourth period. The teachers were preparing for their sports day. The high school teachers would play sports against the middle school teachers. Oh great. This is just what I wanted.

When I went outside, this wasn't the story. There were several tables set up with lots of food and booze. The sports day was just an excuse to drink. The menu included Chok-bal (pig's feet), roasted chicken, kim-chi, and rice candy chewy thingy. The beverage menu included soju and whiskey. I partook of both. By the end of the day I'd had about 3 bottles of soju and 3 shots of whiskey. I was feeling very little at that point in time.

After the drinking marathon, the teachers actually played kickball and badmitten. I can't believe it. A good time was had by all. After I left, some teachers continued their drinking binge and went to the No-rae-bang (karaoke bar) to sing and tie one on. Here are some lovely pics of my first drinking, er, I mean "sports" day. The last picture is the chok-bal in our fridge. Mmmmm... tastes like feet.

You Have To Buy Their Love

If you want Korean students to like you, there are two ways to do it. The first way is candy, and lots of it. This gest expensive when you have to spend $5 for a bag of hard candy... it starts to add up.

The second more reliable way, and ultimately cheaper at only $1 a pop, is to buy crazy socks. Koreans love crazy socks. This is because they don't wear shoes inside, so the socks become the fashion item. Remember in high school how the coolest shoes made you popular? Well, remove the shoes... the coolest socks do it here.

So, I've had to beef up my boring utilitarian supply of white and black socks. What do you think? Bear in mind that my sock options are limited by my giant feet and the overall tiny-quality of Korean socks.

Lucky

I'm the luckiest boy in the world. The Korean teachers are now making this traditional gruel that smells like someone left a mountain of used diapers baking in the midday sun for about 60 days. The lucky part is that they're making this gruel right next to my desk. Oh so lucky.

Indian Summer

It's the middle of October. The leaves are starting to change color. I'm wearing shorts and a t-shirt outside and still sweating. One of these things doesn't belong. Which one is it?

I am in the middle of an Indian summer here in Korea. It's cool to cold at night. But during the day it is HOT. I cannot believe that it is October and I'm still wearing shorts everyday. It's kind of crazy. Every Korean has agreed that we have had the hottest summer that they can remember. To have that 7th-circle-of-hell summer followed by an albeit cooler, but basically still hot fall is just adding insult to injury. I'm enjoying it nonetheless.

From what I hear about South Korean winters, I'm relishing this last burst of warmth before the cold. Although Korea does not get much in terms of snow they have something extra special. Cold air from Siberia that stays centered over the Korean peninsula. Now, having lived in Kalamazoo and lived through blizzards and the worst that Michigan has to offer, we'll see how touch and macho I am when it comes to these Siberian blasts.

When there is nothing left to discuss... you can always turn to the weather.

Lazy Days

Well, I've had the week off from school. Tuesday was the anniversary of the founding of the Republic of Korea. So, it was just a nice legal holiday. Thursday was the big holiday, Chuseok, Korean thanksgiving. It's their biggest holiday here, celebrating the harvest. Families visit grave plots and eat and stuff.

What did I do with my 6 days off? Not a damned thing. I went to Seoul on monday night with Victoria to grab dinner, didn't get home till almost midnight. The nice thing there was that we met two black women that are here in Korea studying Korean at Cheonan University. They're from Congo. I cannot imagine going to school here like that. Living in Korean dorms and eating Korean food three times a day. Brave brave girls.

I intended on studying Korean this week. Taking some leisurely time to go through things. Insteady, I cleaned one day, and took naps every day. THAT is how you should spend a holiday. Tomorrow is sunday, my last day of freedom. I still don't want to do anything. Maybe I'll go to Seoul, but more than likely I will sleep in, lounge around in my pajamas, take a nap, and maybe mozey on downtown and go to the market. Man, Korea is great when you have no work.

Did You See The Festival?

This is our cities little mascot. He's all over the place. He's on our signs. He's on the pillars of the bridges. He's on trucks He's so cute. Kinda makes you want to vomit a little bit. Here he is rendered in flowers.




So, now onto the festival itself. The festival in my city was quite wonderful actually. First off, there were teams of dancers from Thailand, China, Australia, Bulgaria, and South Africa. These people did traditional dancing. I saw the Bulgarians twice. They were amazing. They also brought their own band, with some incredibly insane accordian and clarinet playing. There is no way that I could play that fast for such a long period of time.
The Korean things at the festival included tight-rope walking, plate spinning, dancing, music, etc. It was pretty amazing that there were so many things for the kids to try. They could even try tight-rope walking.


The festival also had plenty of food, traditional things including the silk worms (remember those?). There were also vendors selling all kinds of things, including randomly some eggs that were in a wicker kind of holder. I don't know what the deal was with that. There were also these great painted logs for the kids to put their faces through and get their pictures taken.

Okay. Now, this blog is funny and sarcastic, but it is also a strange kind of anthropologic record of Korea. So, it would be wrong of me, in a scientific way, to not include this strange tidbit that I observed at the festival. There was a booth with a large wooden phallus. The phallus had water coming out of the tip. People were holding a cup uner the mighty phallic stream and drinking it's bounty. I don't know what this is about. I'm too embarassed to ask. But, here is the proof that I'm not drunk. I didn't want to show this, but it's for scientific posterity.

Oh My God...

At the parade for the festival in my town I got my first glimpse. That a little too Korean of foods... bundaeghi... silk worm larvae. Now, the appearance is bad enough. There are apparently 2 varieties... I don't want to know what the difference is. The worst part however is the smell. Oh my God... I cannot describe how awful the smell is. You can smell this dish from quite a difference. To quote my mother, it could knock a buzzard off of a shit wagon at 30 paces.

Before The Parade Passes By

My little city of Anseong held it's annual Namsadang Baudeogi Festival this last week. Namsadang is a traditional theatre troupe here in Anseong, which is famous for producing this kind of entertainment. Baudeogi was born to a poor family and left with the Anseong Namsadang troupe when she was 5 years old. She was so good that the troupe became known as Baudeogi.

Anyway, enough history. The festifal began wednesday, September 27th, with a parade which lasted for over 2 hours. I was lucky enough to see the parade from the very beginning. A Korean parade is not exactly the same thing as an American parade.