The New National Past-time

What is the new Korean national past-time? Baseball? Soccer? Badmitten? You might be surprised to learn that the new national past time is suggesting ways for me to lose weight. Oh, you can't get enough good advice when you're fat and in Korea. One of the teachers insists on telling me how every dish at the schools cafeteria is "very healthful." Or course it's healthful, everyday its rice, veggies, peppers, and maybe fish. It doesn't every change. This same teacher is obsessed with taking me mountain climbing (did I express an interrest?) and to the health club (again, did I ask to go?). By the way, he also wants me to go to church and get married to a beautiful Korean gal.

Another teacher here has informed me that by eating kim-chi I will lose weight. Yes, I will lose weight; because I won't eat it. If you've read my post on Korean Cuisine then you are already well versed in my feelings towards kim-chi.

So, much like a smoker speaking to someone who recently quit, I am just getting oodles of advice and lectures here. How wonderful for me.

Korean Oral Hygiene

Okay, unbeknownst to me, Koreans are obsessed with brushing their teeth. I'm not joking. Everyone here brushes after coffee, after snacks, after lunch, after whatever. There is even a big 20 faucet sink outside for the children to brush at. There must be no gingivitis in this country. I wonder if this is a relatively new phenomenon or an old tradition. Maybe Colgate's marketing campaign here is just really fierce. Who knows. I feel pressured to brush after lunch, they all stare at me. I'm not in the habit of brushing at work.

The ironic thing here though is that although they're all about oral hygiene, the sink that the teachers brush at is disgustingly filthy, with flies around it and coffe cups stacked several feet high. And they also don't just spit out the toothpaste, they REALLY get into it, pulling up every last bit of phlegm when they spit. It's pretty disgusting.

Just another quirk of culture from me, your sarcastic anthropologist to the intricacies of the finer points of Korean culture.

English English Everywhere, But Not A Drop To Drink

So, in Korea everyone takes English. Everyone has taken English in school. Everyone knows some kind of English. The problem lies in the fact that they do not speak English. This is much like the problem in Russia, where everyone studied the language but never used it, so everyone has a passive understanding of English. Getting the students here to speak English, especially the girls, is like pulling teeth. Well, getting them to say anything beyond "Hello, how are you?" It is a daily struggle.

The newest development for me here is that more and more teachers are coming up to me and wanting to learn or practice English with me. This is nice and kind of exciting, although I can't really imagine how I'm supposed to work in any time with these people on a one-on-one basis. So far the computer science, marketing, P.E., and Japanese teacher want to learn English with me. The Japanese teacher has also offered to help me with Korean. I need to take her up on that offer. I have a "Teach Yourself Korean" book and cds, but I have no motivation to study them. At the end of the day I'm tired and just want to watch some t.v. and go to bed.

By the way, I get two t.v. channels in English: the armed forces network (USA is number one!!) and the Discovery Channel. We will see when and if I get these separate balls rolling.

This Is What Happens

So, I'm having a difficult time over here. The 3 Korean teachers who are team teaching English with me do not help me in lesson planning. They simply tell me "teach what you want." I am getting no input from them or help. I don't know where the students are at, what subjects they have covered, and what kind of vocabulary they are familiar with. So, today, I found out I had to create a new lesson plan in about 2 minutes. After teaching the class, the other teacher told me that the students didn't understand anything that I said, that I spoke too fast, and basically that I had wasted the hour. Isn't this exactly what happens when you don't help me out? I have no idea what to do and they are just sitting there "teach what you want." Needless to say, I am not a happy camper.

The Bed of Dispair and Hello Kitty

Okay, for those of you who have not been told yet, my bed here in Korea is hard. No, that's an understatement. The bed is slightly harder than cured concrete. I'm not exaggerating one bit. You all know who I am and what I look like. I'm a big man. When I sit on this bed, the mattress does not squish down AT ALL. It retains it's shape, size, and thickness EXACTLY. That is one hard mattress. Now, due to this mattress I have constant back and hip pain, and my left leg is numb all the time. Is this normal? Is this a good thing? I don't think so.

What's the deal with Hello Kitty? She's everywhere here. You see Hello Kitty headrest covers in cars. You see Hello Kitty pencils and pencil boxes. You see Hello Kitty jewelry and barettes. You see Hello Kitty perfume. And, my most favorite, Hello Kitty surgical masks. I guess it's nice to know that Hello Kitty is still going good and strong here in South Korea.

By the way, school children wearing surgical masks really creep me out.

Korean Cuisine

What is there to say about Korean cuisine? First off, Koreans are not afraid of hot peppers. The food is so hot that it makes you sweat and curse the day you were born and developed taste buds. This is not the bland diet that white people of German decent are used to eating in Michigan. The food is so hot that Korean women must lactate tobasco sauce when nursing.

Second, fill up on the rice. This is the safest and most identifiable section of the meal. The rice here, particularly in Anseong as they are known for growing this variety, is very sticky and clumpy. Lends itself to chopstick eating easily. Rice is the least scary bit of the meal.

Everything else on your plate is to accompany the rice. Rice IS what's for dinner, lunch, and breakfast. Generally there is some kind of vegetable stir-fry type dish that is hotter than the 7th circle of hell. Soup that ranges from water with some strange aftertaste to a thicker soup that is hotter than molten lava.

Lastly, that oh so Korean of dishes. The dish that signifies Korean cuisine for the world. Kim-chi. For those of you who don't know, kim-chi is served at every meal. It is made from any kind of fermented vegetables with cabbage and pepper paste. It is hot. It is sour. It is ice cold. It was based on a dare. No one would freely eat this unless it was a dare. It is so bad. I have no adjectives to describe it. I enjoy fermented food. I do. I'll eat saurkraut. I enjoy kapusta. Or pickled veggies, pickled okra. This is simply the work of the devil. If the devil had a test kitchen and tried to cook up some evil or despair... he would make kim-chi.

And, for those who want to know, Koreans eat every meal with one long spoon and chopsticks. You never drink at the meal. Also, the best thing of all. The cafeteria at my school does not serve dog meat. That makes me so happy.

To recap. Korean cuisine: hot. Rice: sticky. Kim-chi: evil on a plate.

Crime and Punishment

Yesterday I got to witness some interresting events. A student was caught smoking on school grounds. He was berated for 60 minutes straight by teachers and the vice principal. He was also smacked on the head and kicked. Then he was made to stand in the corner with teachers yelling at him. The boy was in tears. It was pretty awful. I'm sorry to say that I felt bad for the kid. Hopefully I don't have to see that again anytime soon.

A New Blog

Well, this is what happens when you use a computer in South Korea and the webpage is in Korean. You end up deleting your blog accidentally and then want to throw the laptop across the room. If you didn't read the previous posts let me get you up to speed.

Left for Korea.

Arrived in Korea.

Hate Korea.

That's all that is going on. I will write something more when I'm less stressed over the accidental deleting.