Lately, I've been going through such strange emotions and thoughts. While everything is going fine in Korea, I'm no longer sick, I'm prepared for summer camp, and my life is back in it's own rhythm... I can't help but feel out of it.
I feel so much like my life is on hold. Like this is some strange facsimile of myself. I look out the window of my apartment at the torrential rains that have been nonstop since saturday, and I just don't understand or comprehend why I'm in Korea. What am I doing here? Did I just sign up for a job with good pay? Was I seeking some kind of adventure? Am I trying to find myself? I have no idea anymore.
I have good friends here and I have a pretty easy and normal life, but I just feel so strange. This isn't the life I normally lead in the U.S.A. This isn't the food I'm supposed to be eating. This isn't the job I'm supposed to be doing. This isn't the place that I'm supposed to be. These thoughts are just in my head and they have no way to get answered and no where else to go.
What am I trying to say? I don't know. Is this just homesickness and torrential rains talking? I don't think so. Do I want to leave? Not really. Do I want to stay? Not really. Indifference is a killer. I'm just unable to connect to my feelings here. Everything seems so foreign, especially myself. Shouldn't I be over these feelings? I've been in Korea about 3 months now. Who knew I'd make it this far? I didn't. But given these feelings and questions and doubts... can I make it 9 more?
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